Really felt sooo tired today, like there was so much that I had to do and wanted for myself, but things just weren't going my way. Well, on the bright side, I got all of my work done. Felt so weighed down, and was just overwhelmed by it all, hence the silence.
Silence. It's a rather scary yet comforting sound. It all depends on how you interpret it. I really welcomed the silence today because it allowed me to rest and yet I hated it for being there, for allowing all those thoughts to intrude once again.
It hurts you know? It really hurts, small things that are meant to be practical and yet if you look deeper and realise the actual reasons why, it freaking hurts.
On another note, am I being foolish in thinking everything could go back to the way it used to be? Or have we all changed so much that nothing is the same anymore? That we can't fall back into our pattern?
“We’re all a little weird & when we find those people whose weirdness is compatible we join up with them & fall into a mutually satisfying weirdness & call them our best friends.”
Honestly, I crave for your company, but I don't think you know that? And call me weak but I'm afraid to voice it out for fear of rejection.
“I’m crazy about you and I want you to know that if I had the choice of hanging out with anyone in the entire world or just sitting at home with you eating a pizza and watching a crappy tv show…I’d choose you every time.”
I really rather turn down everyone else and spend the time with you, just like we used to. But sometimes I wonder whether its worth it, what happens when at the end of the day, you go off and I'm left there?? Will I be able to handle it? Who knows.
I'm really really tired, and today of all days, I wonder why I try. I pray hard I never reach this stage:
“If you want me in your life, you can find a way to put me there because frankly, I’m sick of trying.”
But I realise that your happiness means more to me than anything else in the world and if being with someone else can make you happy then by all means go ahead, just please, tell me straight to my face, so I can start picking up the pieces. If you enjoy the other person's company more than mine, make your choice. Because I hate playing second fiddle, I don't want to feel like a spare and I hate feeling like something not worthy of your attention unless you can't find what you want.
Or then again, maybe I'm just being selfish and thinking of myself only. Maybe.
“Love means that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.” ~ Dear John