Holding On
9:37 PM - Thursday, February 25, 2010
Just trying to hold on. I'm getting soo tired, please help me to hold on. So many things, so many feelings, let me hold on to my sanity.
But it's harder to hold on to your hands than the hands of time
I need a hand, girl, trying to hold on
Losing strength in these hands of mine
I need you here
I'm trying to hold on
Standing here, open hands and I
Know I can't do this alone
Hold on, oh, hold on
Baby, hold on (to my hands)
Hold on to my hands (don't let go of my hands)
Don't let go
Pensive
9:16 PM
Really felt sooo tired today, like there was so much that I had to do and wanted for myself, but things just weren't going my way. Well, on the bright side, I got all of my work done. Felt so weighed down, and was just overwhelmed by it all, hence the silence.
Silence. It's a rather scary yet comforting sound. It all depends on how you interpret it. I really welcomed the silence today because it allowed me to rest and yet I hated it for being there, for allowing all those thoughts to intrude once again.
It hurts you know? It really hurts, small things that are meant to be practical and yet if you look deeper and realise the actual reasons why, it freaking hurts.
On another note, am I being foolish in thinking everything could go back to the way it used to be? Or have we all changed so much that nothing is the same anymore? That we can't fall back into our pattern?
“We’re all a little weird & when we find those people whose weirdness is compatible we join up with them & fall into a mutually satisfying weirdness & call them our best friends.”
Honestly, I crave for your company, but I don't think you know that? And call me weak but I'm afraid to voice it out for fear of rejection.
“I’m crazy about you and I want you to know that if I had the choice of hanging out with anyone in the entire world or just sitting at home with you eating a pizza and watching a crappy tv show…I’d choose you every time.”
I really rather turn down everyone else and spend the time with you, just like we used to. But sometimes I wonder whether its worth it, what happens when at the end of the day, you go off and I'm left there?? Will I be able to handle it? Who knows.
I'm really really tired, and today of all days, I wonder why I try. I pray hard I never reach this stage:
“If you want me in your life, you can find a way to put me there because frankly, I’m sick of trying.”
But I realise that your happiness means more to me than anything else in the world and if being with someone else can make you happy then by all means go ahead, just please, tell me straight to my face, so I can start picking up the pieces. If you enjoy the other person's company more than mine, make your choice. Because I hate playing second fiddle, I don't want to feel like a spare and I hate feeling like something not worthy of your attention unless you can't find what you want.
Or then again, maybe I'm just being selfish and thinking of myself only. Maybe.
“Love means that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.” ~ Dear John
Choices
7:02 PM - Monday, February 22, 2010
Another day, another drama. When, oh when will I ever figure you out? Probably never I guess.
One day you will ask me to choose between my life and yours. I will say mine and you will walk away, not knowing that you are my life.
LIBERATED!!
4:32 PM - Friday, February 19, 2010
MY BRACES ARE OFF MY BRACES ARE OFF OH HEAR ME REJOICE!!
Ok, so technically, it is my fault that it took sooo long to be off, but ah heck, worth it lah.. Makes taking it off seem so much sweeter, no? =D
In celebration of it, I have decided to post this video, because I love this guy and because although I wanna do what he did, I have no wish to be in front of a camera... =)
Heartless?
8:39 PM - Thursday, February 18, 2010
Many people have told me that I'm strong. Am I really? I guess it comes with being the oldest kid and grandkid, responsibility piled on your shoulders before you could even walk. Heh. My cousins look up to me, when I was younger I enjoyed it, because I could live up to their expectations, now I'm not too sure. Because you know,
Even heroes need heroes sometimes
Even the strong need someone to tell them it's alright
Sighs, it's been a crazy week, super tired. Next week is even more insane, seriously. Like Sitting-On-A-Rollercoaster-Without-Handlebars-Or-Straps-Kind-Of-Insane. Sighs.
On another note,
Senorita, A Vila Mon Coeur Gardi Li Mo. =)
Reunions
7:24 PM - Saturday, February 13, 2010
FREAKING HATE SPRING CLEANING!!!
But Happy CNY in advance to all of you pokes out there!! =))
HAPPY VALENTINE'S TO THE LOVES OF MY LIFE TOO!! You know who you are!!
I'm not at home in my own home.
WALL-ME
8:37 PM - Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Sometimes, I just feel like doing that. Today was one of those times.
Have I ever told you that out of all the thrill rides at amusement parks, the Viking was the one I fell in love with first? That I loved that feeling of my stomach dropping, the adrenaline rush I got from being on top of the world?
Being with you makes me feel that way.
But I'm not sure I can take the back and forth any longer, this tension between us needs to be resolved. Some days it's there and some days it's not. I may be fairly intuitive, but I sure as hell ain't a mind reader. I have no clue what you're thinking and I don't want to guess for fear that I'm wrong. And it seems when it comes to you, I'm always wrong recently.
The funny thing is, when I think about all the things that have been pushing me to my limit nowadays, I realise that when it comes to you, I'm willing to provide unlimited credit. Take as much of me as you want, pay back whenever you can.
Being with you is like Dante's Inferno, torturous as hell, but as long as you're the one waiting for me on the other side, heck, I'll go through anything.
Alright, I got that off my chest, apology accepted btw.
Remembrance
9:40 PM - Monday, February 1, 2010
Couple of things that I remember thinking last week and today... We learnt about Facebook and social media platforms in GP, how we're all damn addicted to them...
I realised on Sunday that time is flying bloody damn fast..
And this last one is for Amanda Leong, the craziest coffee addict I know, someday, this will be a reality for you.. =)
Love you all!!
In love there's no division between right and wrong
In love there's no room for hate and rumours
Once I find you, I'm never gonna let go.
