E.N.F.P.
Those 4 letters that describe my personality to a tee. Really they do. The report that explains this MBTI personality type of mine was highly accurate.. But I suppose I'm human too, and I have my faults, that cannot be perfectly captured in a paper report.
I was just re-reading this msn convo between me and my senior the other day. And it further reinforced my knowledge of my imperfections. But heck, I'm always revealing my imperfections to people. hahaha.
The report said that I was extroverted, which I do not deny. The report also said that I was intuitive, that I went with my gut feelings. I cannot refute that. But both qualities simply serve to make me seem too pushy and naggy at times. Domineering as well. Sometimes I come on way too strong, in some cases it works, in some cases it backfires so horribly. But I find that being domineering serves several purposes, for one, it allows me to just push past everything that I don't wish to confront. Secondly, and very horribly so, it allows me to feel important when I get my way, thereby stroking my ego. Heh. So I'm a bossy, egoistical escapist. WOW.
Anyway, I think during that convo, that was the first time I ever admitted to someone that I'm not the confident heck-it-all person that I try to be and neither was I the person with the laissez-faire bochup attitude that I seem to exude to people. Yup, I admitted that I'm simply human (hooray I'm not alien), with loads of baggage to boot. I'm an insecure asshole who really just needs a boost of self-confidence now and then.
I thought I made friends fairly easily, still do now actually. But when I met her, that was the first time I was totally unsure of my status, was I a friend or just a junior? In fact, my exact words to her was "I wasn't sure at the time whether I was an irritating friend to you or just an irritating junior". At least I acknowledged that I was irritating. That's good. Well, I think now, I can be safely considered her friend, even though it may not seem that way. But her response "actually, I'm sorry to say this, but you were just a junior to me at the time" only served to open up old wounds. Naturally, I'll survive and move on, I have sufficiently thick skin for that. But this is just the superficial layer of my various insecurities.
But that's what defences are for, my humour (albeit a bad one), my ego, my "confidence", my "thick skin", my constant goading etc. So I'm sorry if my defenses have kept you out or hurt you in any way, I really have no bad intentions, I'm just protecting myself, in the only way I know how.
Let's play truth or dare,
"Dare", because I don't care.
"Truth", because it's time to bare.