One minute I was high, ok but tired. Then I would think about stuff and I would drop really rapidly to low. Naturally not wanting the people around me to know that I'm brooding about stuff, I try to be happy and crazy, like my usual self.
Sorry folks, just couldn't do it. I tried. I really tried. Which is why I only broke down in the dark, when the lights were off. And I did it silently, and erased all traces, I hope.
I was definitely thinking about stuff during the "relaxation time" during Econs. Recovered by watching Ryan Higa (he's a freaking cute genius people), Yuesing now you know why I dragged you there. And then the stuff came back really strongly during opening ceremony, which is why I walked off on my own to PAC, couldn't stand human contact at the point in time. Then I tried to look like I was resting, like I was tired. Which I was, so not that hard there. But I suspect a few rogue tears escaped, I tried to hold them back, I suspect woman saw traces of it.
But definitely during the Wushu performance, I lost it. I couldn't hold back the floodgates anymore. Since it's in the dark, no one can see, and plus everyone was engrossed in that small cute boy doing Wushu (pedophiles all of you!), so perfect time. I let go of everything that I was holding back, but I suspect there's more to come, it's too raw, need to cry like a baby. Loudly and painfully, like I would give anything in the world to stop it.
After promos, I'll release it. Until then, I'll just have to keep it inside. Building up. Day by day.
Life is a mystery, you never know when things are gonna change or when things are gonna happen. I sure wish I could solve it. It's so hard not knowing.
I like to walk in the rain, because then no one can tell I'm crying.